Atheism and Religion and allying ourselves with the right people

These past couple weeks/months have seen a lot of outspoken Atheists doing good work.

Dan Savage has started the It Gets Better project, an internet campaign for bullied GLBT youth. Foundation Beyond Belief, an ongoing source of good for the secular community, has released its most recent list of beneficiaries.

In the last few weeks, I've been keeping a vague eye (I'm in the middle of student teaching, so vague is probably the strongest term at this point) on the goings on between FBB and Soulforce as documented on Hemant's blog. There has been a lot of concern regarding Soulforce's religious affiliations. Particularly, that because they are religious, FBB shouldn't be giving them money, which is a valid point...I suppose.

Across the internet, we see the IGB project going strong and, in particular, we see a Texas City Councilman, Joel Burns telling the story of his childhood during a Council meeting, but on The Digital Cuttlefish, we see a topic comparing Joel Burns and Gene Robinson, the Bishop of New Hampshire for the Episcopalian Church. Again, what we see is a diminishing of the contributions of a religious person specifically because of their religious message...and this time we don't even have the facade of "Well...this is supposed to support an Atheist cause" to hide behind.

Over the last few years as the Catholic, Evangelical, and Mormon Churches have been making homophobic, racist, sexist, etc...statements carte blanche, our first question we ask is "Well, why do Queer people, black people, women, and a host of other groups actually stay in the church if it is subjugating them so?"

But now we see a number of religious organizations (I mean, the Bishop of New Hampshire is gay, for goodness sake) stepping forward and saying, "No. This is wrong, fellow religious people. We must stop this and we shall work toward it." and we have the audacity to say, "Well, you have a religious message, so I'm going to downplay what you have to say."

My mind was completely blown when I saw the message by Dale McGowan on Friendly Atheist.

First of all, let's not get any delusions about what they are there for.

Of course they are going to have a religious message. They're religious. They aren't out there for US. They're out there for one reason and one reason only, to preach a "gospel of tolerance" to their fellow Christians. They aren't going to get there without using the ethos of their creator. What was it that they were expecting Soulforce to be doing? Beating religious homophobes with Festivus poles?

Does it really diminish the message that homosexuality needs to stop being discriminated against and talked about in a hateful context by religion because they, themselves, are religious?

I don't think so. Indeed, I think an organization like this is going to end up being the only working entry point to take care of religious homophobia. But, we need to be careful to understand that, to get the rest of the religious groups on our side, we have to talk like them...and sometimes that means finding allies that ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN GOD. I mean, it's not like they're talking to us...they're talking to their fellow religious people. Just like how when Gene Robinson is talking and saying "God" 14 times and talking about how "God loves you beyond your wildest imagining" he isn't talking to Atheist GLBT kids.

As if we actually need to hear that.

Who do you think he's talking to? He's talking to the kids who go every Sunday to church and wonder why "God made them different." Why "God allows bullies to make fun of them if they were created in his image." Do you think that telling a little kid who's already distraught because he's bullied for who he is that "God doesn't exist" is going to be of any help at all?

Of course not.

I agree that, perhaps for us, saying how much God loves all of his gay creations too, to us, would feel like a watery broth compared to the sumptuous "Not mentioning god at all" speech that Joel gave...but we aren't the audience here...and we were never intended to be. The audience that Gene is looking to reach with his speech is one of people who are internally tormented every day by a creator they revere but think doesn't care about them because of who they are.

And if anyone has the ethos to put that message across to all the homosexual Christians out there, it's him.

So, I understand that Bishop Robinson talks about god etc...and that religion is bullshit etc...

But there are plenty of people who are gay that aren't atheists...and if we should presume that the only people that deserve to hear this message are secular people, then we are just as bad as the bullies and the parents indoctrinating their kids.

To a young religious gay kid, that speech by Bishop Robinson will be able to touch places in their hearts that Councilman Burns' never could.

So, let's get our heads on straight here, Atheists:

The fight against bullying by religious groups for the GLBT community is important because it directly mirrors our own struggle, but we can't shut down when suddenly we have to start working with the groups that share our message of tolerance in spite of the rest of what they think.

For Bishop Robinson, that meant letting his young Christians know that there will still be a place for them in God's eyes regardless of who they love.

For Soulforce, that means working with other religious groups to help them come to the realization that, just like for them, homosexuality doesn't have to be "an abomination in the eyes of the lord"

Is it the only thing that Foundation Beyond Belief could be spending their money on? I suppose not; but, at last glance, the Human Rights category has nothing in it now. So who is FBB helping by not sponsoring ANYBODY?

Edit: Hemant says, "FBB will be announcing a replacement for Soulforce in our Human Rights category in the next day or two. We just want to be *extra* sure we're not replacing one mistake with another :) I think people will be happy with our decision"

This is an excellent thing. Thanks for the update!

Can anybody tell me what the point of this is?

So I'm watching TV and not fast forwarding through the commercials and I come upon this:

The Lysol No Touch Hand Soap System

At first I think, "Hmm...This is cool, I guess..." Because it's like 11:30 and I'm apparently delirious.

Luckily, I come to my senses and realize

THIS PRODUCT IS COMPLETELY USELESS.

Let's begin by dissecting the claims made by Lysol, shall we?

Introducing, a revolutionary new way to help stop the spread of bacteria.

So, what is this revolutionary advance bringing Lysol to the washing your hands technological forefront???

A sensor automated soap pump. Oh snap.

Which would be great except I've seen stuff like this at gas station bathrooms...and I'm pretty sure those are the places last on the list to ever get technology to make things cleaner.

It isn't even the fact that they're touting this product as freaking God's Gift to Cleanliness...It's that they say shit like this (emphasis theirs):

Hands may come into contact with millions of germs every day. Hand washing is one of the most important steps to help stay healthy. But have you ever thought about those germs ending up on your soap pump?

Fact: Your soap pump can harbor a lot of bacteria.

Introducing the LYSOL^® No-Touch Hand Soap System, it automatically senses your hands and dispenses just the right amount of soap that kills 99.9% of bacteria.

For use in the kitchen or bathroom, the antibacterial hand soap is enriched with moisturizing ingredients and comes in three great scents!

Never touch a germy soap pump again.

Hooooly crap.

So...the big advance comes from not getting germs on your hands after touching the soap pump?

Aren't you...washing your hands right after...anyway? I mean...nobody is just touching the top of the soap pump for shits and giggles and then running away, right? Well, somebody is, I'm sure, because that has to be the only way that this could possibly help.

I mean, perhaps I'm alone here, but I find this to be a gigantic waste of money.

I find it absolutely insulting to my intelligence that Lysol would put out a product like this.

Aaron McGruder vs. World

http://bit.ly/9ZbMyl

Perhaps Aaron McGruder isn't subtle or tactful, but he's always hilarious and USUALLY right.

The Boondocks has been one of my favorite comics (second only to Calvin and Hobbes) ever since it entered the papers. My biggest lament about the comics section is that Aaron McGruder's masterpiece stopped showing up on a daily basis.

When he started work on the TV series, I think I've never been so overjoyed.

Perhaps the best thing about his move to television is that, since he joined Adult Swim, he was able to say a lot of things that he certainly was unable to say in comic form...mostly because he didn't have to worry as much about parents complaining about what their kids were seeing in their newspapers (or so I assume.)

In the transition from print to television, a lot changed about his characters. While Huey, Riley, et. al. were just as witty, they became far more acerbic. The characters, now far more pronounced in expounding upon their (McGruder's) beliefs, refuse to mince words when discussing BET, hos, "soul food," R Kelly, etc...

I loved every second of it.

I loved watching this new no holds barred, no prisoners, no mercy, no bullshit Boondocks.

Aaron McGruder managed to take social commentary and turn it on its head. He twists and demeans characters, pushing everyone down to the lowest common denominator to prove his point and makes an asshole out of everybody who stands in his way.

In this most recent series, there has been a lot of controversy about a particular episode: the Tyler Perry episode, "Pause."

First of all, BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

If you haven't seen it, you absolutely NEED to. Within two minutes of each other, there are Rocky Horror Picture Show, Peanuts, and Jim Jones references.

But, to be honest, McGruder is really REALLY hard on Tyler Perry, and whether or not it is entirely deserved, it is hilarious and generally on target.

Tyler Perry IS incredibly preachy. I've seen a number of his plays and I spend more time hitting the fast forward button through his jeebus songs than I do watching and laughing...which is saying something, because Perry is generally funny. But I'm hurt to see his response to this episode. It's one thing to express disapproval or even to say, "This was hurtful to me," but Perry has all but ensured that this episode will never be aired again by threatening to leave TBS in retaliation.

But, when watching these episodes, we do have to wonder about Aaron McGruder. He obviously has an axe to grind. He takes (hilarious, glorious) pot shots at famous people (although, just as often he'll make fun of everybody on either side of the issue) from behind his animated characters--which is his prerogative, and I'm certainly not going to tell him to change. I happen to generally approve of his message:

Show the grotesque and messed up people of the world how grotesque and messed up they really are. Allow the normally overlooked but potentially dangerous and destructive actions and traits that are common place in this society to run themselves to the worst possible conclusion and then explode in chaos, reduce peoples' arguments, EVERYBODY'S...even the ones you agree with to the absurd and learn to understand the possible repercussions of the shit we see everywhere but rarely think about.

Tyler Perry's butthurt about this episode, is no more well founded than those of the Islamic extremists who refuse to allow Mohammad to be drawn. Freedom of speech is what this country was built on, and it's what allows Tyler Perry to get up on stage dressed like a woman just as much as it is what allows Aaron McGruder to make fun of himself for it.

You can't have it both ways, Perry. Remember that.

The Character Defense - Warning: Nerdy Post Ahead

I admit to being a gigantic nerdy geek-a-tron. I have been playing video games since I was but a young lad of six, I spent most of my life practicing a musical instrument instead of going outside and playing sports like all the other kids (my brief stint of wrestling in sixth grade, and six years of Little League notwithstanding), as the Internet grew in popularity, I used it constantly, and when I got to college, many of my fellow marching band fraternity/sorority members got me into Dungeons & Dragons.

I really like the concept of the game. It's effectively an immersive multiplayer video game. A game that allows you to create a character and then have it interact with and explore worlds that we could never actually go to, as boring mere mortals.

But, inherent in the concept of being *multiplayer* is that the characters must work *together* toward a common goal, be it retrieving the Obelisk of Eternal Despair, Slaying the Evil Brown Dragon plaguing the Kingdom of Centralia, etc...

That is, the team has to actually work as a team of some sort.

Things to Think About

Depending on the level of skill for the Dungeon Master, this can mean a number of things that the players and DM must think about...

*Splitting the party - Do you? Don't you? I don't particularly see the problem with having adventuring parties split up...it allows for more freedom of movement, perhaps allows the game to move along more quickly, and allows the players to do things that their characters would be more wont to do.

*Party Alignment - When a Lawful Good character meets up with a Chaotic Evil character, generally they tend to be at odds...is there a way to be effective party members while still undermining everything the other person stands for?

*RP - How do you role play your character? Many parties don't particularly relish the roleplaying aspect of the game and would much prefer to have their stories told for them by the DM instead of actually talking in character, and only breaking out the dice and interacting with the world itself to steal something or kill someone...but some players relish the chance to transform themselves into Gargathan Smashington the Half-Orc Druid or Gamliel Pygmalion the Eladrin Wizard. (Yes, they're mine.)

Players who love to immerse themselves in their characters have even created backstories. They know where they've been, where they're going, and what they plan to eat for lunch. Some of my dearest characters are the ones who I watched grow from birth and then died of old age after battling some of the greatest enemies of their time (and sometimes...everybody else's, too).

But, because they have every single step plotted out for their characters, this sometimes causes problems with the rest of their fellow players and the DM.

The Inter-party Relationship

For those of us who have been playing for even a short time, we can all recall that one player who stubbornly insisted to follow their own path regardless of what the team wanted or needed...When met with the ire of the party, both in and out of character, the player simply shrugs and says "But, that's what my character would do!"

We, as gamers all, have been conditioned for years by playing RPGs to assume that since we are playing a character, we are the protagonist and everything that we want must come to pass...and then we play out our decisions and see where they leave us, regardless of consequences. We all do it because it's part and parcel to discovering ourselves and testing the limits of the world we have created around us.

But, in a party situation such as D&D, there are sometimes four or five other people with whom one shares the spotlight. The purpose of a party is that every single character gets great moments to shine, explore, and even fail spectacularly, and it is important that every character get the chance to do so.

That Weird Voice Coming From The Heavens: Playing God

The DM/player relationship is one of storyteller and storybuilder. The DM's job is to set the scene for the players, perhaps add ambiance with props and music or flickering lights and scary characters. The players' job is to take that scene and play it out and interact with the DM productively.

Nothing is worse than a campaign that feels like it is DM vs. Players. If the players are spending more time bargaining with you for re-rolls than they are role-playing...something is wrong.

If a player spends an entire day of in-game time engaged in espionage, even if there was not going to be anything of importance in the room that he went into...throw him a bone. Find someone to tell him a really juicy piece of information that he can bring back to the party, or barring that, a nice chunk of XP, a shiny new sword with a nifty enchantment, or a bag of gold for his trouble.

It's about positive reinforcement. You should always reward players for playing (and even more for playing well). Even if it doesn't always line up with your initial expectations for the game. If you have a NPC who was supposed to die, but didn't...you'll have plenty of time to kill him later if it's ESSENTIAL. This is a world of magic. Think of all the awesome ways he could die! If they can kill off Aeris in FFVII, you can find a way to kill off an NPC.

The important thing is compromise.

Likewise, as a player: If you are getting nasty looks from your party members and your DM has buried his head in his hands, this might be a sign that you are overplaying your role as a PC. Sometimes, it's important to think about "What your character would do" in a different sense: "What would my character do if he wanted this to run smoothly?"

Granted, there are situations where your character specifically doesn't want the campaign to run smoothly, and that's okay! Even so, consider only screwing up everybody's plans...every once in a while, or collaborate with the DM to have one big screw up that the party has to work through together.

There is so much fun to be had by everyone when playing any Table Top RPG, but it is important that everyone work together so that EVERYBODY has a good time. Keep your eyes and ears open and allow everybody to participate constructively.

Chuck Norris has begun to annoy me.

When confronted with news, really any news, about The Boy Scouts, I usually shrug, smile, nod, and then not care.

But CN + BSA? That's just a recipe for awesomesauce.

So Chuck Norris has been blathering on about how beset with woe the Boy Scouts are by Obama.

Over the past months, a widely circulated e-mail has reported that President Obama is not signing Eagle Scout certificates, which only 4 to 5 percent of Boy Scouts attain.

...which is horrible! I'd better check Snopes and TruthorFiction to make sure that this is real!

Wait...What's that Chuck Norris? You've done our work for us and researched yourself?!

Categorically, Internet watchdog sites like Snopes.com and TruthOrFiction.com have classified the claims as "hogwash." But I have found a steady stream of White House whitewashing when it comes to the Boy Scouts of America.

That's good old Chuckie for ya! Just like in Walker Texas Ranger, he roundhouse kicked in to find the TROOF! And with that journalism degree he has, I'm sure he's...oh wait...

Now, the quote that gave me a lot of jollies on part one (Yes. Part one of three. Sit back folks.) was this quote right here:

Since President William Howard Taft in 1910, U.S. presidents have proudly fulfilled the position of honorary president of the BSA. But neither the honor nor event was highlighted in any official White House communication. Nothing said at the March 3 White House briefing. Nothing noted anywhere on the White House official website. Obama simply accepted the honorary presidential position behind closed doors in the Oval Office with seven or so Boy Scouts present.

On the other hand, on that single day of March 3, 2009, the White House considered all the rest of the following events as newsworthy enough to post on its official website: "President Obama announces more key appointments," "President Obama and Vice President Biden announce investment in transportation infrastructure and jobs for Americans," "Message to Congress from president regarding export certification," "Remarks by the president and vice president on transportation infrastructure," "Vice President Biden to travel to Brussels to consult with NATO allies," "Highway spending from Recovery Act to create or save 150,000 jobs by end of 2010," "Remarks by President Obama on AFL-CIO executive council," "The first lady speaks to American servicewomen" and the "Remarks of the president to commemorate the 160th anniversary of the Department of Interior."
Yet, not a peep mentioned about the president's acceptance of BSA's honorary presidency.

Could it be the 160th anniversary of the Department of Interior ranked of higher importance than Obama's acceptance of the BSA's position in its 100th year of celebration?

The man says things and doesn't actually think about the words coming out of his mouth.

Which is more vital to the operations and well being of the country? The Boy Scouts or the Department of the Interior?

Okay, whatever. That's fine...and then he manages to out do himself by saying this:

I suppose it's also coincidental that Obama was unable to attend the 100th Anniversary Gala of the Boy Scouts of America in his own backyard (Washington, D.C.) on Feb. 9, 2010. Why? Because that evening he had his first national press conference! Is it just me, or would you have delayed the press conference to any other evening in February to attend this unique centennial celebration of one of the oldest and most influential boys' organizations in U.S. history? How about at least a quick shout-out at the press conference? No such luck.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...




Oh wait...he's...SERIOUS?! I mean...let's assume for a moment (only a moment mind you...my brain is already about to explode) that the Boy Scouts were of such national importance that they needed to be placed above the Department of the Interior. Would it, even then, follow that the President should be delaying this press conference just for them?

Also, I'm sure he totally could have said, "Now before I go, I wanna give a shout out to my homies in the BSA. We just dropped us a cent and now it's time to hit the dime. WURD!"

A "shout out?" REAAAALLY Chuck?

Aha, but all is not lost:

The president did, however, send a semi-congratulatory letter to the BSA on its centennial, though at the same time subtly distancing himself from being a celebratory participant: "I send greetings to all those celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Boy Scouts of America. … I wish you all the best." Seems like a rather flat centennial note for the prospective honorary president of the BSA, wouldn't you say?

I'm sure the flowers and the stripper-gram got lost in the mail.

But then, can you blame Obama when, as Chuck Norris so artfully says himself:

...a series of lawsuits have been levied against the BSA because of its stand against atheists, agnostics and homosexuals.

And, perhaps, they have the right to have these sort of hilariously terrible practices. The worst thing that we as undesirable persons can do is ignore them and not pay for their atrocious fucking popcorn.

And then, of course, there's the whole thing about the BSA in Philly.

Norris talks of those poor souls like they're being evicted from their homes. When, in fact, since they're violating the city's nondiscrimination policy (you know, so they can be a program that receives government money, they have to follow...uh...rules.) they can't be housed (rent free) in a government building.

Boo Hoo...

You think you'd be sobbing so hard about this if it were some OTHER group that was being forced to pay like everyone else?

Of course, he makes a gay reference in this quote:

President Obama became the honorary president of the BSA in March of 2009, and the White House didn't even mention it. And ever since, any discussion or interactions with the BSA have been "don't ask, don't tell." And how could they, since the president would then have to publicly acknowledge that, as honorary president of BSA, he affirmed the Scout Oath, belief and policies, which prohibit atheists and agnostics from membership, and "avowed" homosexuals from leadership roles?

Of course! Because, as the "Honorary President of the BSA" he has actual power within the BSA. It's like being the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces. Gotta have someone who isn't a lifer in charge. So as Commander in Chief of the BSA, Obama should have purged the world of Atheists and Homosexuals by now! Because...you know, like it says in the Boy Scout Oath...

On my honor, I will do my best to keep myself morally straight.

On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country;

On my honor, I will do my best to obey the Scout Law…;

On my honor, I will do my best to help other people at other times.

On my honor, I will do my best to keep myself mentally awake.

On my honor, I will do my best to prevent godless heathens and gays from being in the BSA.

Oh wait, what? That last one isn't actually in there? I just made it up? Well shit! Where in the Boy Scout Oath does it say that?

Oh the first one. Because all people who are straight or believe in god are moral.

Right.

Let's talk about America, shall we?

I have been waiting for years for a Harry Potter theme park. I am a nerd for this type of thing and I enjoy it particularly.

I'm a little disappointed that I might not be (in my current state, at least) allowed on one of the rides "Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey."

But that's me. I am a little bit overweight. I am 6' even and 260...so I'm not a particularly svelte individual...although I don't think I could ever be one, even if I had no fat on me at all. I'm sort of built like a linebacker. (Is that really a bad thing, though?)

But here's the thing: America is becoming overweight. The average height of men in this country is approximately 5'9" while the average weight is approximately 200 pounds.

BMI (Body Mass Index) is approximately 3 units above normal on average, as well. (25 is considered healthy.)

This is a bad sign, I think.

Listen, I'm not saying that we should begin this nationwide campaign to run the Boston Marathon for next week, but come on now. If you are going to complain about not being able to fit on a ride, please do it after taking a good hard look at this guy.

If you aren't willing to keep yourself in shape, or attempt to make your way there, you don't deserve to complain when you can't be accommodated.

It's embarrassing. Absolutely! ...and, if we learned anything from Kevin Smith and his debacle with Southwest Airlines, we know that sometimes, people are douche bags about it. You should be treated with respect regardless of who you are and what shape you are in (or what shape you are and who you're in...but I digress), but if you are overweight and potentially unhealthy, you aren't entitled to RAISE A STINK if you cannot be accommodated for safety reasons.

And as for comparing Jeff Guillaume and Dwight Howard...well, they both might weigh 265, but consider the height difference, shall we?

If Dwight Howard can't fit on a ride, it's probably because he'd get his head cut off.

When I get bored I think about blogging...

...And luckily for you guys, I'm following through. I have been thinking about starting this blog up again. I'm not exactly sure what to talk about yet, but I think I'm going to try to get something regular up here.

So, for now, consider this my "Hello World 2.0"

Signing off

-Mark

"Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right"

Yesterday, the Society of Notheists at Purdue University held a Pastafarian Preaching Day in honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day. The purpose of having such a day is to illustrate how stupid it sounds when you encounter people like that of ANY religion and how we must always consider the validity of the beliefs being espoused by even the most sane and attractive crew of scurvy buccaneers you may come across.

It just so happened, as we were planning on having our preaching day, we discovered two very important facts:

1. Talk Like a Pirate Day was on a Saturday this year...which was an incredible bummer.
2. Gene Levy Brother Jed was making his annual visit to Purdue the day before.

In the effort to make the day as awesome as possible, we decided that our Pastafarian Preaching needed to occur in tandem with the visit by our equally furry-eyebrowed, twice as hilarious arch villian.

The days passed and Jen decided that this day must be documented with the latest in high tech devicery...a video camera. She managed to rent one from our school library and then discovered, to her chagrin, there were no storage media included with said camera. Unfettered and still heartened from the amazingness of the day, it was decided that, as we were to be on our way to campus that morning, we would stop and purchase an SD card to store the videos on so we could be in our appointed spots at 8:50 with plenty of time to set up.

And so we sallied forth that glorious Friday morning dressed in full pirate regalia (or in my case, a bandanna, eyepatch, and jeans), we crossed campus facing the jeers and chortles of our passing fellow students and made our way to the local campus bookstore to find out that the place didn't open until 9.

After we set down, we were able to have a brave soul run back and acquire our sorely needed storage medium. One of the hallmarks, every year, of this event, as I see it, is when we pull out the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti monster and preach from it. It is superbly well written and infinitely hilarious. Last year, when I did it, by the end, I was surrounded by people in bathing suits bowing down to me. It was absolutely glorious.

During a passing period, it was insisted that I repeat my performance this year...where it would be recorded for posterity. I pulled out my best preacher's voice and laid it on thick. A beautiful piece of work for everyone who walked past.

Afterward, I went to go get a drink of water and came back to a puzzled-looking Jen fiddling with the camera.

"Do you think it might be possible for you to do it again later? I don't think it recorded."

My heart sank. I had class all day and I was only really supposed to be around until 10:45 so I could properly prepare for the math class I teach at 11:30.

In between classes, I learned that a news van had stopped by, Brother Jed had finally showed up, and I was missing all of it. On the other hand, I taught about quadratics and completing the square, so not all was lost.

Luckily I had an hour between my last two classes and I was able to stop by, listen to Brother Jed make a fool of himself, and ride the Boilermaker Special.

The highlight for me, amazingly enough, occurred in this small span of time between classes. We had just exited the Boilermaker Special and moved back to watch Brother Jed and his fantastic pimp cane.

When suddenly, we noticed two men clad in spiffy shirt and tie ensembles.

YES. The Mormons had come to campus the same day...and they disliked this detestable man as much as we did. Finding common ground and coming to some sort of unholy temporary truce, we took on Brother Jed together!

Far be it for me to ever say anything nice about the Mormons as a whole, but the two guys we were with that day were incredibly nice, down to Earth people.

All in all, a very good Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Also, Re: Desperado
Salma Hayak causes traffic accidents. RAmen.

PS: Check out Politics and Pucks for even MORE blogging on this event!

Winner for most epic moment:

Just when I thought things like me getting an A on Afronova on Standard and passing a song on Challenge for DDR or actually surviving a ropes course was a feat of athletic genius, here comes Roger Federer to explain to me why I need to spend a few more years at the gym:

While we're on the subject

Because I don't want to add any more to that previous post, let me just say:

WTF, Kanye West. WTF. Nobody cares what you have to say.

Not enough to see that cretinous display, anyway.

Please go back to your mansion, put on your shutter shades, and spend some time alone with that one special person who you love more than anybody else. YOU.

And don't come out until you've grown a set of tact. KTHXBAI.

ETA: Fixed link. Viacom took down the video I linked to. =P

Mark needs exercise + Serena Williams

So today I found out a few very important things:

1. Being upwards of 40 feet up in the air and only supported by a small piece of rope connected to a harness designed to prevent me from having children and a plastic hat is, indeed, as scary as it sounds...especially when heights are not your strong suit.

2. Serena Williams was fined and lost a match for cussing out a line judge.

3. When I am on a zip-line, I scream like a girl.


Let's start with thing one, shall we?

Awesome thing:
Today, my fraternity took a trip to the High Ropes Course for some team building exercises.

Not so awesome thing:
The place was incredibly aptly named. That is, it was VERY HIGH and consisted of an inordinate number of ropes.

That being said, I had never done anything like this before...and being the young, gung-ho go-getter that you all know me to be, I jumped on this like a fat girl on cake.

That's all well and great, but there are two things about me that make this activity incredibly non-conducive to my way of life:

I become incredibly uncomfortable in situations where many people are in close quarters and in high-stress situations. I also am incredibly afraid of heights. Not just afraid of heights. We're talking "I sometimes feel uncomfortable sitting on my third story balcony" afraid of heights.

Needless to say, being at something like fifty feet in the air standing on metal wires and rope is not my cup of tea.

And yet, for truth, justice, the American way, and mostly trying to not be called a wimp, I went. I bit the bullet and I went for it. It was horrific, to be sure...but I got through it and I feel so awesome about myself!

Will I ever do it again?

Not any time soon, thanks very much.

Secondly, let's talk about Serena Williams.

Holy crap. I've say it before, and I'll say it again...Don't piss off people who have authority over you unless you are willing to pay the consequences.

Okay. I know it was a bad call. It's unconscionable, however, to act like that on the court. While she probably deserves what is coming to her, they should probably at least think about taking into account previous good behavior.

...WOW.

So, I figure I might as well start off with something that should haunt EVERYBODY'S dreams. Thanks to a friend of mine for bestowing this image upon me. *shiver.*

Apparently, it seems, Tantus, a company who makes sex toys has decided to take on that new fangled Twilight fad that's going around.

Behold, The Vamp.

Yes. It sparkles.

Also, I shit you not, the following words appear in this order on their site:
(emphasis mine)
"Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience."

Authentic experience?? You know what, I'm not even going to think about it.

Here. Have some people talking about it who aren't me.

Update?

Well well well, look who has come crawling back! That would be me, by the way.

So school has begun, and I think I will start having time to do a daily blogging thing again soon. Probably sometime this weekend I will begin again and try to fit it into some sort of daily regimen. I've been trying to be big on that what with almost being out of college. I work very well if I have a nice routine.

So, here's a shout out to whoever reads this to say that I haven't died just yet.

I will return and in full force.

Thanks again to all of you...especially those of you who actually contacted me to tell me that you miss me. =P

I appreciate it.

School? Oh dear.

It's that time once again, ladies and gentlemen--that time when men cry like young girls and everyone else sort of snickers at them:

School is back in session!

This semester, I am taking "15" hours of classes.

I put the number 15 in quotes because...well, let's take a look, shall we?

Ordinary Differential Equations - MA 36600 - Back when I was still in Chemical Engineering, I took a semester class called "Linear Algebra and Differential Equations." The class was, effectively a Differential Equations class geared towards teaching you the material in as engineeringly friendly as possible. Unfortunately, the Math Department doesn't find that class particularly helpful for actual Math majors...so it is necessary for me to retake it.

Introduction To Creative Writing - ENGL 20500 - I'm particularly excited about this class. I haven't had the chance to stretch my creative muscles in a while. I may end up posting some of the better works up here on the internet for all to see. This is a class that I am taking to fill up my English requirement.

Elementary Psychology - PSY 12000 - This is sort of a seat filler. I'm only taking this class because I need another General Education class...and this seemed to fit the bill.

Symphony Orchestra - BAND 111 Normally, I'd be in Philharmonic, but I have a conflict with my classes, so I'm stuck in the evening orchestra. On the bright side, so did half my cello section. This means, among other things, that we get to play the Overture to William Tell. This is flipping fantastic and I cannot wait.

The reason there is a conflict with Philharmonic Orchestra is because of...

Seminar On Teaching College Algebra And Trigonometry - MA 48400 - I'm so freaking excited about this class. This semester, in addition to discussing pedagogical methods of Math, I get to TEACH a section of MA 15300--Precalc.

This is going to be fantastic. I am also, it seems, going to be paid to grade my section's work. This is also fantastic.

HOWEVER, this is going to be the most time intensive thing I've ever done...Orchestra is always incredibly time intensive due to the amount of practice outside of class that needs to be done to not sound like crap, but this class will probably take the cake. I already have a lesson plan due Monday...I should probably finish that later today...

Soundtrack of my nightmares redux and life update

I haven't had much time to post recently. I apologize for this grievous breach of the blogger-bloggee social contract.

Here's why!

I went home this weekend! The always arduous trip home via Satan's Waiting Room I-65 was actually not anywhere near as bad. Only one traffic jam caused by gawkers at an accident.

Today was, surprisingly, very busy.

I got a hair cut in fact, I got them all cut. ha ha ha ha. I'm only sad that this now makes the avatar I've put up everywhere (thanks Jen) somewhat obsolete. Bah. Oh well.

I figured, I'd might as well get my hair nice and groomed considering the fact that I will be starting teaching in 7.5 days. It might, at least slightly, lend some sort of credence and ethos to my lectures.

Most importantly, I saw a one woman show written and performed by Alison Vodnoy, a friend of mine I haven't seen in years. We were in diapers together and now she's a big star! Hooray! If you happen to be in Hammond, Indiana tomorrow sometime around 2 PM, please consider going to see it at the Towle Community Theatre. It's great, she's AWESOME, and it's TOTALLY worth paying the 15 bucks to go see it.

Tomorrow is a wedding...and then Monday is a dentist appointment (ick) and then back to campus to laugh at all the marching band people as they stand outside sweating for hours on end. =D

To make up for my absence, here is some mindfuckery. Enjoy.

ETA: Mindfuckery doesn't get red-lined as a misspelled word. That's hilarious.

Why I love science:

It's stuff like this that makes science so amazing and beautiful.



Thanks to @godlessgirl for finding this and tweeting about it!

Zen Part 2: Non-Attachment

Kitano Gempo, abbot of Eihei temple, was ninety-two years old when he passed away in the year 1933. He endeavored his whole life not to be attached to anything. As a wandering mendicant when he was twenty he happened to meet a traveler who smoked tobacco. As they walked together down a mountain road, they stopped under a tree to rest. The traveler offered Kitano a smoke, which he accepted, as he was very hungry at the time.

"How pleasant this smoking is," he commented. The other gave him an extra pipe and tobacco and they parted.

Kitano felt: "Such pleasant things may disturb meditation. Before this goes too far, I will stop now." So he threw the smoking outfit away.

When he was twenty-three years old he studied I-King, the profoundest doctrine of the universe. It was winter at the time and he needed some heavy clothes. He wrote his teacher, who lived a hundred miles away, telling him of his need, and gave the letter to a traveler to deliver. Almost the whole winter passed and neither answer nor clothes arrived. So Kitano resorted to the prescience of I-King, which also teaches the art of divination, to determine whether or not his letter had miscarried. He found that this had been the case. A letter afterwards from his teacher made no mention of clothes.

"If I perform such accurate determinative work with I-King, I may neglect my meditation," felt Kitano. So he gave up this marvelous teaching and never resorted to its powers again.

When he was twenty-eight he studied Chinese calligraphy and poetry. He grew so skillful in these arts that his teacher praised him. Kitano mused: "If I don't stop now, I'll be a poet, not a Zen teacher." So he never wrote another poem.

~~~

Moral of story: If you want to do something particularly well. Don't do anything else you enjoy for the rest of your life.

For those of you who were out of the loop on this one:

Being in Alcoholics Anonymous involves you admitting defeat to your alcoholism and embracing a higher power to help you through it.

I can only assume that Narcotics Anonymous works much the same way.

You would think that giving up personal control in this situation would be a terrible idea. Shows what we know...

In related news, there is an alternative called The Sinclair Method which uses an opiate antagonist in conjunction with continued drinking to reverse the endorphin conditioning that causes the addiction in the first place.

Cool! So a scientific-based method of quitting versus a religious method of quitting.

Guess which one I think is probably better for you!

Daily dose of wtf

There's something about a group of rabbis not allowing two people to marry each other for NOT BEING JEWISH ENOUGH that seems somewhat ironic. I may have hit Godwin's Law on this one, but it is incredibly hypocritical.

The uproar in question happened when Nico Tarosyan, a man who had moved to Israel from Russia, was deemed to be unfit to wed Olga Samosvastov who was, it seems, a "Proper Jew." *sigh*

So, what is it that they ended up doing? They said "Fuck you, we're marrying anyway!" Good for you both!

It is bad enough, I think, that marriage in Israel is solely at the discretion of the religious institutions.

But to give the power to the Ultra-Orthodox rabbis? Wow. Terrible idea.

Walking tour of the Creation Museum Part II: The Quickening

I apologize for the various and terrible quality of the pictures you are about to see. Enjoy!


This picture is likely highly indicative of the rest of the museum. Let's see what happens, shall we?


Those sharp claws on his feet are for slicing lettuce. There is a salad spinner behind the sign.


Mel Brooks decided to make a special guest appearance. He was displaying the fifteen ten commandments.


Maybe there IS hope for this museum after all! *shifty eyes*


"Om nom nom nom nom"


This lamb looks like he's scared of being raped.


"Really? Vegetables?"


Did I mention that these wax dummies look way too eerily realistic? If they spent as much time actually providing substance to their exhibits as they did trying to make eerie, lifelike dummies, they'd give the Smithsonian a run for its money.


There was not enough room to finish the sentence. It should have read, "The world's not safe anymore for people with IQs above 10 with museums like this still being funded!"



Here we see two people particularly angered by the paparazzi. Apparently they weren't willing to sign the release and their pictures were used anyway!


After killing his brother, Abel, Cain has to sneeze like a motherfucker. Abel's first invention, pepper spray, doesn't work anywhere near as well as he'd have liked.


Completely undecided as to what this was telling us not to touch, we hands-on Atheists decided to begin investigating. It turned out that nobody cared...except maybe the one guy. You'll see him.


Discovered by one of the members of the party with which I was touring the Museum, we come to the real heart of the issue. There is nothing on Earth besides the United States and, perhaps, part of Canada and Mexico. It is a stunningly accurate commentary on the educational system of many religious areas of Kentucky.


The museum was kind enough to embolden some of the more important words of this quote from one of the books of Peter. I think we could do without all the rest of the empty text. "Willingly ignorant word of god" seems to be good enough for me.



Here we have what I can only imagine is Hebrew...sort of.
It's time for a quick Hebrew lesson.

*HEBREW LESSON TIME!*

Let's begin, if you will humor me, from the right side. Hebrew is written right to left. Let us begin with the awkward blob of letter that looks like a K who has seen better days. THIS IS NOT A HEBREW LETTER. Awesome. If it is supposed to be a tsadi or an aleph, it is a tsadi or aleph made exclusively of fail.

Next, we come to the letter Resh. The only problem with this letter is that it has been flipped 180 degrees.

Thirdly, we hit the Hebrew letter Vov which is both correctly oriented and in the proper proportion. Let's move on. Nothing to see here.

Fourthly, we have what is called "Fey." Besides the fact that the letter is the mirror image of how it was supposed to be, it is fine...except for one thing:

This is Fey in it's so called "Final" form. This letter, if it is to be in the sentence AT ALL, should be switched with the letter farthest on the left...which is funny because that letter is a Fey also! It is also flipped over itself.

So, creation museum...whatever you were going for here...it didn't quite work.

EDIT: Jen got the video of me explaining this at the creation museum. I am aware I pointed the wrong way when I mention the end of the word...It had been a long day. Spare me please. =P